Volume 16, Issue 2
On May 19, 2013 a man named
Stuart died alone in his home and was not discovered until three days
later by his girlfriend whom I will call Betty. This story actually
starts back in 2003 when Stuart contacted me out of the blue and asked
if I would help him get rid of the demons that were tormenting him. He
moved to Sacramento where we took him through deliverance and for the
next three years I was his pastor.
When Betty notified me about
his death, I pondered over his passing and a strong feeling came over me
like the Holy Spirit was telling me that Stuart was not happy with the
life he had lived on earth. He was an educated man and took pride in how
he chose to communicate and I felt that he would like to tell his story
to warn other people not to commit the same mistake he had done.
A couple of days later I
shared what I had experienced with one of the elders in the ministry,
who told me the first thought that had come to mind at the news of
Stuart’s death was “What is he saying now in heaven?” I took this as a
confirmation from the Lord and I will endeavor to write the true story
of Stuart’s life from the day he arrived in Sacramento. I will include
prior events he shared with me and also what Betty told me in person. I
will write this as a letter from Stuart from heaven. It is a biblical
concept that when people end up either in hell or heaven, that there are
regrets over sins committed while people were still on earth and that
they have a great desire to warn the people living on earth.
"There was a
certain rich man, which was clothed in purple and fine linen, and
fared sumptuously every day: And there was a certain beggar named
Lazarus, which was laid at his gate, full of sores, And desiring to
be fed with the crumbs which fell from the rich man's table:
moreover the dogs came and licked his sores.
And it came to
pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into
Abraham's bosom: the rich man also died, and was buried; And in hell
he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off,
and Lazarus in his bosom. And he cried and said, Father Abraham,
have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his
finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this
But Abraham said,
Son, remember that thou in thy lifetime receivedst thy good things,
and likewise Lazarus evil things: but now he is comforted, and thou
art tormented. And beside all this, between us and you there is a
great gulf fixed: so that they which would pass from hence to you
cannot; neither can they pass to us, that would come from thence.
Then he said, I
pray thee therefore, father, that thou wouldest send him to my
father's house: For I have five brethren; that he may testify unto
them, lest they also come into this place of torment. Abraham saith
unto him, They have Moses and the prophets; let them hear them. And
he said, Nay, father Abraham: but if one went unto them from the
dead, they will repent. And he said unto him, If they hear not Moses
and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded, though one rose
from the dead." (Luke 16:19-31)
Hello, my name is Stuart and
I was surprised when angels appeared in my house a week ago and told me
to leave with them. I was in the process of taking a hot bath when I
realized that I was no longer in the tub and was instead gazing at my
body lying in the water. I no longer had an earthly body but some kind
of spirit body, just like my earthly body, I could see and hear, but now
there was instant communication with thoughts back and forth between the
angels. I recognized my earthly body was dead and I was about to be
taken to heaven by the angels around me.
The last eight years were
not an example of holy living and I instantly appreciated the fact, that
even though I was not worthy of eternal life in heaven, I had received
Jesus as my Lord and Saviour early in life and did not have to spend
eternity in the Lake of Fire. It was amazing once I arrived in heaven
and heard the singing of believers worshipping God and I could not help
but start praising God myself with all my heart, something I had never
been able to do on earth.
Then I had a chance to see
Jesus and realized that I had never experienced such love in my life. It
was like waves washing over me again and again. I didn’t know that love
could be so powerful, caring and encompassing. It was nothing like what
I had experienced on earth and I would say it was beyond human
comprehension. Jesus was nailed to the cross but it was this kind of
love that held Jesus to that cross had the nails not been there.
came across a group of believers that I had met at Resurrection Life of
Jesus Church. Rita Jackson, the sweet old lady who played the organ and
her husband Bob. With them was Illola Riddle, now a beautiful woman,
Joan Lista and Pastor John’s parents. They welcomed me with great love
and hugged me, which made me feel ashamed. On earth, when we were all in
church, I had looked down on these people since I felt superior to them
with my great intellect. As a matter of fact, I felt that all the
members of Resurrection Life of Jesus Church were country hicks and I
could not get well fast enough to leave the church and find some people
with whom I could have true fellowship. What a fool I had been.
No one had received their
final resurrection bodies but we had some kind of spiritual body that is
fashioned like a human body and extremely beautiful. We look like 20
year olds and our spiritual bodies require no sleep. It is always day in
heaven and there is never any night. There is no feeling of time, which
really doesn’t exist anymore since we enjoy worship and praise on a
regular basis. No one complains we are singing too many songs; we just
cannot get enough of worship. My attitude on earth toward praise and
worship was pitiful and I cringe when I think about it.
It took me a while to
realize that my grief and pain over sin were still with me and I was
told that this would stay with me until the thousand years’ kingdom has
passed, the Great White Throne Judgment was completed and the entire
universe had been incinerated.
“But the day of
the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens
shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with
fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be
Seeing then that
all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye
to be in all holy conversation and godliness, Looking for and
hasting unto the coming of the day of God, wherein the heavens being
on fire shall be dissolved, and the elements shall melt with fervent
according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth,
wherein dwelleth righteousness.” (2 Peter 3:10-13)
During my stay at
Resurrection Life of Jesus Church, I had heard Pastor John preach on
this topic from time to time but I did not want to hear it. I was really
upset when he preached from the Book of Revelation and told him several
times that the sermons depressed me. Now I know that he was right; he
was just quoting from the Bible, and had full knowledge of spiritual
truth that I now knew. I am impatient to put my grief, pain and tears
behind me with the new creation when I see God the Father for the first
time. Up to now, I have only seen Jesus on his majestic throne.
“And I saw a new
heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth
were passed away; and there was no more sea. And I John saw the holy
city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as
a bride adorned for her husband.
And I heard a
great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is
with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people,
and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.
And God shall wipe
away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death,
neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain:
for the former things are passed away.
And he that sat
upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said
unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.
And he said unto
me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I
will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of
life freely. He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will
be his God, and he shall be my son. (Rev. 21:1-7)
When I lived on earth, I did
not like preaching on the Judgment Seat of Christ. I could not embrace
this truth in my selfishness and continue sinning, so when Pastor John
preached on judgment of the believer, I did not attend church that
Sunday because I always looked at the outline on the website to make
sure that I wanted to hear the sermon. I was a fool! No one in heaven
knows when we all will appear at the Judgment Seat of Christ and I am
not looking forward to it since I know there are many things for which I
will have to answer. All the sins I committed on earth and repented of
have been washed away by the blood of Jesus, but my willful sinning is
going to cost me dearly and I will never attain the position in eternity
that I was destined for by God. As I previously stated, I was an
intelligent person on earth, but I did not have the wisdom to go with it
and I became a fool, no better than those locked up in a mental
institute. If only I had paid attention to the Word of God while I was
alive on earth.
foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ.
Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious
stones, wood, hay, stubble; Every man's work shall be made manifest:
for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire;
and the fire shall try every man's work of what sort it is. If any
man's work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a
reward. If any man's work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but
he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire.” (1 Cor. 3:11-15)
I checked my records in the
heavenly courthouse and found out that my life span on earth had been
set much higher than 58 years. But in my foolishness of disregarding the
Word of God, I abused my body with alcohol, fornication and drug abuse.
I did not understand that my physical body was the temple of God, and if
I did not keep it clean, God would destroy it. Toward the end of my life
on earth I was popping Oxycodone like it was candy, and when God finally
pulled the plug, I died lying naked in my bathtub. I regret that I did
not pay attention to the Word of God.
“Know ye not that
ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in
you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for
the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.” (1 Cor. 3:16-17)
I was born with a handicap.
By that I mean my parents were great providers, but since they were not
believers in Christ, they could not nurture me and my two brothers as we
needed. Early in life I became infested with demons, the worst of them
was an arrested development spirit. As a teenager I was exposed to the
Gospel and gladly responded, but there was no follow-up, and no
attention was paid to the demons in my body.
God gave me a great mind and
I had an intelligence that made it possible for me to learn quickly and
reason out all kind of mathematical challenges. Instead of using this
gift wisely, I became lazy and learned just enough to pass high school,
get into college and eventually get a doctorate in chemistry.
As I grew older I studied
all kind of religions, including the occult and New Age. I practiced
some yoga and tried to get into Buddhism. This pushed me further and
further away from God and I became a very arrogant person. I was an
adult but I felt like a small child and learned to live on my life
experiences and intelligence.
Early on I got into
pornography which was a gateway that led me into masturbation and
fornication with a number of women. I also developed a strong taste for
alcohol, and when I married my first wife, we were both heavy drinkers.
Instead of seeking God and
crying out for help, I wanted to become rich and started a number of
businesses which eventually failed.
My wife had enough of my
rage and arrogance and divorced me. Instead of seeking God, I decided to
fly to Amsterdam since I was of Dutch heritage and partake in the whores
and drugs which are legal in Holland. I drunk myself into oblivion and
used the whorehouses, but instead of getting some kind of relieve, the
pain in my soul only got worse.
I came back to the United
States without any money and began to seduce rich older women. I courted
the women, bedded them and gained access to their bank accounts and used
the money in various business ventures. After a while the women would
realize I was a jerk and kick me out but not before I had used their
Eventually I ended up in the
state of Washington and one day I drove my car to a lonely place and put
a shotgun in my mouth and was ready to pull the trigger when I heard the
voice of God telling me there was a better way to get the peace I
sought. All I needed to do was come back to him.
I contacted a mega-church in
Texas and met some believers in Christ who started to minister to me and
tried to drive out the demons. But once again my sin nature took over
and I found a woman in the church that felt sorry for me and in no time
I slept with her and gained access to her money. Instead of being
delivered from the demons, I destroyed a Christian woman who was already
After this all hell broke
loose in my soul and someone told me that I had an arrested development
spirit that had kept me restrained as a child on an emotional level. I
realized this was true and searched the Internet to find out more about
this type of demon. As soon as I typed in “arrested development spirit,”
the ministry of John S. Torell came up. I got their phone number and
told him that he was my last stop, because if he couldn’t help me, I
would kill myself since I hated my life. To his credit, John said he
could help and told me to come to Sacramento, California.
MY TIME IN
I loaded up my car and drove
almost non-stop to Sacramento. I had no place to stay and no money left
after this trip, but Pastor John had asked a Christian brother to
provide me room and board. And so began another chapter in my life.
Michael lived in Yuba City, about an hour from Sacramento, and rented a
downtrodden house in the countryside, but I couldn’t afford to be picky
since I didn’t have any money and settled in.
Michael was the complete
antithesis of me. He was uneducated and did not know how to read and
write but was on fire for the Lord. He worked in the construction
industry as a carpenter and concrete finisher. He was not an
intellectual person and his favorite television programs were sitcoms
When the process for my
deliverance started, I was not prepared for what would happen next. As
the demons were driven out of my body and mind, I lost all my life
skills and suddenly I was just a little boy that was frightened and
didn’t know how to live as a man. Pastor John told me that this was the
normal procedure for someone going through deliverance and that it would
take some time to recover.
After a few weeks I started
my personal follow-up program with Pastor John. We spent at least 100
hours going through his book, Christian Dynamics Course 3, getting
personal counseling and teaching of Bible doctrine. I got better little
by little and started to work for Michael doing concrete work.
I attended church and I
learned a lot. Michael and a woman named Pamela had also gone through
deliverance a few months earlier, and we formed the class of 2003. I was
humble and happy to be growing spiritually.
The people in church were
nice to me during my stay in the Sacramento area and I was invited to
have dinner with a number of families. I spent a lot of time with
Sotiris and his wife since he had been part of the deliverance team and
wanted to make sure that I stayed on the right path. He always gave me
fatherly advice and was always willing to pray for me.
After about six months my
old self started to surface and I told Pastor John that I was tired of
living in Yuba City, which to me was nothing but a hick town. I wanted
more refined city life such as would be found in Sacramento. Instead of
being thankful that Michael had given me room and board and put fuel in
my car, I resented him because he was not an intellectual like me. This
is how Satan got a foothold back into my life.
Pastor John had a friend
named Owen who owned an apartment building in downtown Sacramento. Owen
was a strong Christian who agreed to let me rent a one bedroom apartment
with no deposit or last month rent since I was bankrupt and had no
I was able to get a part
time job in a telephone call center and it gave me enough money to pay
rent, buy food and put fuel in my car. The apartment I had rented was
rundown and again resentment began to build. I complained to Pastor John
that Owen was nothing but a greedy slumlord even though I was getting
free food from him from time to time. In my heart I resented Owen as
just another stupid Christian with no intelligence.
I lived in a two story
apartment building and the woman living above me was practicing
Buddhism. Pastor John warned about not getting involved with her but I
refused to listen to him. I started to visit her apartment and she came
to mine and in no time we were engaging in sexual intercourse. Once
again I was loaded with demons and told Pastor John that I wanted to
repent and have the demons cast out. I broke off the relationship and
the Buddhist woman learned a bitter lesson after I violated her, took
some of her money and dumped her. I came back to church and started to
give testimonies and remember crying when I told people how good God was
I got some more counseling
with Pastor John who encouraged me to apply for a job as a substitute
teacher in high school or college. This was something I liked to do and
God answered our prayers. With more money coming in, I was able to buy
better clothing, eat better and join a local gym.
As time progressed, two
things made me discontent again. First, I felt Pastor John was not
running the ministry the way it should be, and two, it was beneath my
intellect to take advice from him. I was critical about everything in
the ministry and told others that I was unhappy with the church. I
started to disagree with more and more of Pastor John’s teachings and I
could no longer stand the sermons because I thought they centered too
much on doctrine and a holy life. I felt he was completely wrong when it
came to end times doctrine. How was he supposed to compare to me when I
had a doctorate in chemistry and superior intellect. Eventually I became
a backbiter to the point that I would speak negatively about Owen to
Pastor John and vice versa.
Demons began to stir up my
sexual appetite and I wanted another woman. I found a single nurse that
was my age range living in the San Francisco area. Betty was not a
Christian and into the New Age but that did not hinder me from pursuing
her with the same predictable results. We became sexually involved and
she opened her bank account to me.
I had by now grieved the
Holy Spirit to the point that I was not even convicted over my sins. I
decided to get away from Sacramento and that irritating church. I was
able to land a regular teaching contract at a college in the city of
Novato. I would visit Betty for sexual gratification, get into a rage
and our relationship developed into a love/hate relationship.
From there I moved to
Vallejo and started to attend a church with a lukewarm message that
didn’t constantly prick my conscience. By this time I was drinking
alcohol again and pretty much lived like I had done before my
deliverance. I was an entrepreneur with a lot of business ideas and a
chiropractor in the church I attended agreed to fund one of them. I was
certain that the good times were back with this new business venture and
my sinful sexual relationship with Betty.
It seemed like everything
was lining up perfectly but God wanted to give me another chance to
repent and salvage my life on earth. The Holy Spirit spoke to Sotiris,
who repeatedly warned me of my actions when he came to visit me. One day
he asked Michael to accompany him on a trip to see me, and when they
were in the area, they called for directions to where I lived. I didn’t
know this would be my last chance to repent, and instead of welcoming my
Christian brothers to my apartment, I lied and told them that I did not
feel well. My sickness was not physical; I was spiritually sick because
of my sinful living. They had driven two hours to come to pray for me,
and at that time, I could not have cared less that they spent four hours
in a car to reach a backslidden brother in Christ.
Since my arrival in heaven,
I was told by the Holy Spirit that He never again spoke to Sotiris to
pray for me. Yet, God was still watching me and sometime later I started
having bowel problems. It continued to get worse and eventually I had to
see a doctor. I was angry when I found out that I had colon cancer. My
response was completely selfish when I thought of how this would impact
my sex life. Instead of repenting and seeking God, I decided to fight
the cancer with surgery and use natural healing agents.
Eventually I got better and
one day I received an unwanted phone call from Pastor John, who had been
told about my cancer by Betty. He was rude when he declared that I had
to stop sinning by bedding down women and taking their money. I was so
angry that I told him never to speak to me again and ended the
conversation. I did not have the discernment to understand that he was
speaking on behalf of God and this was my final warning.
Another year or so passed
and the physical pain returned. This time I was told the cancer had
spread to several parts of my body. My heart was now so hardened and in
such a great backslidden condition that I was defiant and confident that
I could beat the cancer again.
My doctor prescribed
powerful painkillers and I became addicted to them. I had no plan of
dying at this time and my last week-end on earth was depressing. Betty
had promised to take her mother to Southern California and that meant I
would be alone in my house. To make matters worse, I had lost my job and
my house was in foreclosure. I was too sick by this time for sexual
intercourse and everything I had worked so hard for was being taken away
by the cancer. The only good thing remaining was that Betty had prepared
a room for me at her house. That was my condition when the angels
entered my house and took me away.
God was faithful throughout
all this and I can truly say that I deserved to be in hell. It is only
by the grace of God that I am in heaven today.
“And he spake a
parable unto them, saying, The ground of a certain rich man brought
forth plentifully: And he thought within himself, saying, What shall
I do, because I have no room where to bestow my fruits? And he said,
This will I do: I will pull down my barns, and build greater; and
there will I bestow all my fruits and my goods. And I will say to my
soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine
ease, eat, drink, and be merry. But God said unto him, Thou fool,
this night thy soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall
those things be, which thou hast provided? So is he that layeth up
treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.” (Luke 12:16-21)
I now realize that God
intended for me to preach the Gospel but that never happened since I was
too selfish and had no desire to save lost souls.
God intended for me to reach
thousands of people for Christ, but I never did and now I hang my head
in shame that these people will die and go to hell and later spend
eternity in the Lake of Fire. I feel so bad that I can hardly bear it. I
regret how I despised and hurt the people in Sacramento that loved and
took care of me for three years.
Please learn from my
mistakes and take heed. Repent while you still have time. Preach the
Gospel and don’t waste your life like I did.
I cannot tell you how
thankful I am for Christ who came and died for me. It was for me that He
hung upon a cross but I rejected His love and wasted my life on earth.
I am sorry and my heart is broken. I will receive whatever punishment is
meted out at the Judgment Seat of Christ but I grieve over the people
who will spend eternity in the Lake of Fire because of my arrogance,
stupidity and lust for women and money. Take heed!
“My sheep hear my
voice, and I know them, and they follow me: And I give unto them
eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man
pluck them out of my hand. My Father, which gave them me, is greater
than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand.
I and my Father are one.” (John 10:27-30)
It is my prayer that those
who were earmarked to hear the good news from my lips will have the
chance to hear it from someone else.
“Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is
the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in
thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which
leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.” (Matthew 7:13-14)
Volume 16, Issue 2