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Volume 16, Issue 2



On May 19, 2013 a man named Stuart died alone in his home and was not discovered until three days later by his girlfriend whom I will call Betty. This story actually starts back in 2003 when Stuart contacted me out of the blue and asked if I would help him get rid of the demons that were tormenting him. He moved to Sacramento where we took him through deliverance and for the next three years I was his pastor.

When Betty notified me about his death, I pondered over his passing and a strong feeling came over me like the Holy Spirit was telling me that Stuart was not happy with the life he had lived on earth. He was an educated man and took pride in how he chose to communicate and I felt that he would like to tell his story to warn other people not to commit the same mistake he had done.

A couple of days later I shared what I had experienced with one of the elders in the ministry, who told me the first thought that had come to mind at the news of Stuart’s death was “What is he saying now in heaven?” I took this as a confirmation from the Lord and I will endeavor to write the true story of Stuart’s life from the day he arrived in Sacramento. I will include prior events he shared with me and also what Betty told me in person. I will write this as a letter from Stuart from heaven. It is a biblical concept that when people end up either in hell or heaven, that there are regrets over sins committed while people were still on earth and that they have a great desire to warn the people living on earth.

John S. Torell

"There was a certain rich man, which was clothed in purple and fine linen, and fared sumptuously every day: And there was a certain beggar named Lazarus, which was laid at his gate, full of sores, And desiring to be fed with the crumbs which fell from the rich man's table: moreover the dogs came and licked his sores.

And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham's bosom: the rich man also died, and was buried; And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom. And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame.

But Abraham said, Son, remember that thou in thy lifetime receivedst thy good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things: but now he is comforted, and thou art tormented. And beside all this, between us and you there is a great gulf fixed: so that they which would pass from hence to you cannot; neither can they pass to us, that would come from thence.

Then he said, I pray thee therefore, father, that thou wouldest send him to my father's house: For I have five brethren; that he may testify unto them, lest they also come into this place of torment. Abraham saith unto him, They have Moses and the prophets; let them hear them. And he said, Nay, father Abraham: but if one went unto them from the dead, they will repent. And he said unto him, If they hear not Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded, though one rose from the dead." (Luke 16:19-31)

Hello, my name is Stuart and I was surprised when angels appeared in my house a week ago and told me to leave with them. I was in the process of taking a hot bath when I realized that I was no longer in the tub and was instead gazing at my body lying in the water. I no longer had an earthly body but some kind of spirit body, just like my earthly body, I could see and hear, but now there was instant communication with thoughts back and forth between the angels. I recognized my earthly body was dead and I was about to be taken to heaven by the angels around me.

The last eight years were not an example of holy living and I instantly appreciated the fact, that even though I was not worthy of eternal life in heaven, I had received Jesus as my Lord and Saviour early in life and did not have to spend eternity in the Lake of Fire. It was amazing once I arrived in heaven and heard the singing of believers worshipping God and I could not help but start praising God myself with all my heart, something I had never been able to do on earth.

Then I had a chance to see Jesus and realized that I had never experienced such love in my life. It was like waves washing over me again and again. I didn’t know that love could be so powerful, caring and encompassing. It was nothing like what I had experienced on earth and I would say it was beyond human comprehension. Jesus was nailed to the cross but it was this kind of love that held Jesus to that cross had the nails not been there.

I came across a group of believers that I had met at Resurrection Life of Jesus Church. Rita Jackson, the sweet old lady who played the organ and her husband Bob. With them was Illola Riddle, now a beautiful woman, Joan Lista and Pastor John’s parents. They welcomed me with great love and hugged me, which made me feel ashamed. On earth, when we were all in church, I had looked down on these people since I felt superior to them with my great intellect. As a matter of fact, I felt that all the members of Resurrection Life of Jesus Church were country hicks and I could not get well fast enough to leave the church and find some people with whom I could have true fellowship. What a fool I had been.

No one had received their final resurrection bodies but we had some kind of spiritual body that is fashioned like a human body and extremely beautiful. We look like 20 year olds and our spiritual bodies require no sleep. It is always day in heaven and there is never any night. There is no feeling of time, which really doesn’t exist anymore since we enjoy worship and praise on a regular basis. No one complains we are singing too many songs; we just cannot get enough of worship. My attitude on earth toward praise and worship was pitiful and I cringe when I think about it.

It took me a while to realize that my grief and pain over sin were still with me and I was told that this would stay with me until the thousand years’ kingdom has passed, the Great White Throne Judgment was completed and the entire universe had been incinerated.

“But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up.

Seeing then that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversation and godliness, Looking for and hasting unto the coming of the day of God, wherein the heavens being on fire shall be dissolved, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat?

Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness.” (2 Peter 3:10-13)

During my stay at Resurrection Life of Jesus Church, I had heard Pastor John preach on this topic from time to time but I did not want to hear it. I was really upset when he preached from the Book of Revelation and told him several times that the sermons depressed me. Now I know that he was right; he was just quoting from the Bible, and had full knowledge of spiritual truth that I now knew. I am impatient to put my grief, pain and tears behind me with the new creation when I see God the Father for the first time. Up to now, I have only seen Jesus on his majestic throne.

“And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea. And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.

And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely. He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son. (Rev. 21:1-7)

When I lived on earth, I did not like preaching on the Judgment Seat of Christ. I could not embrace this truth in my selfishness and continue sinning, so when Pastor John preached on judgment of the believer, I did not attend church that Sunday because I always looked at the outline on the website to make sure that I wanted to hear the sermon. I was a fool! No one in heaven knows when we all will appear at the Judgment Seat of Christ and I am not looking forward to it since I know there are many things for which I will have to answer. All the sins I committed on earth and repented of have been washed away by the blood of Jesus, but my willful sinning is going to cost me dearly and I will never attain the position in eternity that I was destined for by God. As I previously stated, I was an intelligent person on earth, but I did not have the wisdom to go with it and I became a fool, no better than those locked up in a mental institute. If only I had paid attention to the Word of God while I was alive on earth.

“For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble; Every man's work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man's work of what sort it is. If any man's work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward. If any man's work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire.”  (1 Cor. 3:11-15)

I checked my records in the heavenly courthouse and found out that my life span on earth had been set much higher than 58 years. But in my foolishness of disregarding the Word of God, I abused my body with alcohol, fornication and drug abuse. I did not understand that my physical body was the temple of God, and if I did not keep it clean, God would destroy it. Toward the end of my life on earth I was popping Oxycodone like it was candy, and when God finally pulled the plug, I died lying naked in my bathtub. I regret that I did not pay attention to the Word of God.

“Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.”  (1 Cor.  3:16-17)


I was born with a handicap. By that I mean my parents were great providers, but since they were not believers in Christ, they could not nurture me and my two brothers as we needed. Early in life I became infested with demons, the worst of them was an arrested development spirit. As a teenager I was exposed to the Gospel and gladly responded, but there was no follow-up, and no attention was paid to the demons in my body.

God gave me a great mind and I had an intelligence that made it possible for me to learn quickly and reason out all kind of mathematical challenges. Instead of using this gift wisely, I became lazy and learned just enough to pass high school, get into college and eventually get a doctorate in chemistry.

As I grew older I studied all kind of religions, including the occult and New Age. I practiced some yoga and tried to get into Buddhism. This pushed me further and further away from God and I became a very arrogant person. I was an adult but I felt like a small child and learned to live on my life experiences and  intelligence.

Early on I got into pornography which was a gateway that led me into masturbation and fornication with a number of women. I also developed a strong taste for alcohol, and when I married my first wife, we were both heavy drinkers.

Instead of seeking God and crying out for help, I wanted to become rich and started a number of businesses which eventually failed.

My wife had enough of my rage and arrogance and divorced me. Instead of seeking God, I decided to fly to Amsterdam since I was of Dutch heritage and partake in the whores and drugs which are legal in Holland. I drunk myself into oblivion and used the whorehouses, but instead of getting some kind of relieve, the pain in my soul only got worse.

I came back to the United States without any money and began to seduce rich older women. I courted the women, bedded them and gained access to their bank accounts and used the money in various business ventures. After a while the women would realize I was a jerk and kick me out but not before I had used their money.

Eventually I ended up in the state of Washington and one day I drove my car to a lonely place and put a shotgun in my mouth and was ready to pull the trigger when I heard the voice of God telling me there was a better way to get the peace I sought. All I needed to do was come back to him.

I contacted a mega-church in Texas and met some believers in Christ who started to minister to me and tried to drive out the demons. But once again my sin nature took over and I found a woman in the church that felt sorry for me and in no time I slept with her and gained access to her money. Instead of being delivered from the demons, I destroyed a Christian woman who was already weak.

After this all hell broke loose in my soul and someone told me that I had an arrested development spirit that had kept me restrained as a child on an emotional level. I realized this was true and searched the Internet to find out more about this type of demon. As soon as I typed in “arrested development spirit,” the ministry of John S. Torell came up. I got their phone number and told him that he was my last stop, because if he couldn’t help me, I would kill myself since I hated my life. To his credit, John said he could help and told me to come to Sacramento, California.


I loaded up my car and drove almost non-stop to Sacramento. I had no place to stay and no money left after this trip, but Pastor John had asked a Christian brother to provide me room and board. And so began another chapter in my life. Michael lived in Yuba City, about an hour from Sacramento, and rented a downtrodden house in the countryside, but I couldn’t afford to be picky since I didn’t have any money and settled in.

Michael was the complete antithesis of me. He was uneducated and did not know how to read and write but was on fire for the Lord. He worked in the construction industry as a carpenter and concrete finisher. He was not an intellectual person and his favorite television programs were sitcoms and cartoons.

When the process for my deliverance started, I was not prepared for what would happen next. As the demons were driven out of my body and mind, I lost all my life skills and suddenly I was just a little boy that was frightened and didn’t know how to live as a man. Pastor John told me that this was the normal procedure for someone going through deliverance and that it would take some time to recover.

After a few weeks I started my personal follow-up program with Pastor John. We spent at least 100 hours going through his book, Christian Dynamics Course 3, getting personal counseling and teaching of Bible doctrine. I got better little by little and started to work for Michael doing concrete work.

I attended church and I learned a lot. Michael and a woman named Pamela had also gone through deliverance a few months earlier, and we formed the class of 2003. I was humble and happy to be growing spiritually.

The people in church were nice to me during my stay in the Sacramento area and I was invited to have dinner with a number of families. I spent a lot of time with Sotiris and his wife since he had been part of the deliverance team and wanted to make sure that I stayed on the right path. He always gave me fatherly advice and was always willing to pray for me.

After about six months my old self started to surface and I told Pastor John that I was tired of living in Yuba City, which to me was nothing but a hick town. I wanted more refined city life such as would be found in Sacramento. Instead of being thankful that Michael had given me room and board and put fuel in my car, I resented him because he was not an intellectual like me. This is how Satan got a foothold back into my life.

Pastor John had a friend named Owen who owned an apartment building in downtown Sacramento. Owen was a strong Christian who agreed to let me rent a one bedroom apartment with no deposit or last month rent since I was bankrupt and had no credit.

I was able to get a part time job in a telephone call center and it gave me enough money to pay rent, buy food and put fuel in my car. The apartment I had rented was rundown and again resentment began to build. I complained to Pastor John that Owen was nothing but a greedy slumlord even though I was getting free food from him from time to time. In my heart I resented Owen as just another stupid Christian with no intelligence.

I lived in a two story apartment building and the woman living above me was practicing Buddhism. Pastor John warned about not getting involved with her but I refused to listen to him. I started to visit her apartment and she came to mine and in no time we were engaging in sexual intercourse. Once again I was loaded with demons and told Pastor John that I wanted to repent and have the demons cast out. I broke off the relationship and the Buddhist woman learned a bitter lesson after I violated her, took some of her money and dumped her. I came back to church and started to give testimonies and remember crying when I told people how good God was to me.

I got some more counseling with Pastor John who encouraged me to apply for a job as a substitute teacher in high school or college. This was something I liked to do and God answered our prayers. With more money coming in, I was able to buy better clothing, eat better and join a local gym.

As time progressed, two things made me discontent again. First, I felt Pastor John was not running the ministry the way it should be, and two, it was beneath my intellect to take advice from him. I was critical about everything in the ministry and told others that I was unhappy with the church. I started to disagree with more and more of Pastor John’s teachings and I could no longer stand the sermons because I thought they centered too much on doctrine and a holy life. I felt he was completely wrong when it came to end times doctrine. How was he supposed to compare to me when I had a doctorate in chemistry and superior intellect. Eventually I became a backbiter to the point that I would speak negatively about Owen to Pastor John and vice versa.

Demons began to stir up my sexual appetite and I wanted another woman. I found a single nurse that was my age range living in the San Francisco area. Betty was not a Christian and into the New Age but that did not hinder me from pursuing her with the same predictable results. We became sexually involved and she opened her bank account to me.

I had by now grieved the Holy Spirit to the point that I was not even convicted over my sins. I decided to get away from Sacramento and that irritating church. I was able to land a regular teaching contract at a college in the city of Novato. I would visit Betty for sexual gratification, get into a rage and our relationship developed into a love/hate relationship.

From there I moved to Vallejo and started to attend a church with a lukewarm message that didn’t constantly prick my conscience. By this time I was drinking alcohol again and pretty much lived like I had done before my deliverance. I was an entrepreneur with a lot of business ideas and a chiropractor in the church I attended agreed to fund one of them. I was certain that the good times were back with this new business venture and my sinful sexual relationship with Betty.

It seemed like everything was lining up perfectly but God wanted to give me another chance to repent and salvage my life on earth. The Holy Spirit spoke to Sotiris, who repeatedly warned me of my actions when he came to visit me. One day he asked Michael to accompany him on a trip to see me, and when they were in the area, they called for directions to where I lived. I didn’t know this would be my last chance to repent, and instead of welcoming my Christian brothers to my apartment, I lied and told them that I did not feel well. My sickness was not physical; I was spiritually sick because of my sinful living. They had driven two hours to come to pray for me, and at that time, I could not have cared less that they spent four hours in a car to reach a backslidden brother in Christ.

Since my arrival in heaven, I was told by the Holy Spirit that He never again spoke to Sotiris to pray for me. Yet, God was still watching me and sometime later I started having bowel problems. It continued to get worse and eventually I had to see a doctor. I was angry when I found out that I had colon cancer. My response was completely selfish when I thought of how this would impact my sex life. Instead of repenting and seeking God, I decided to fight the cancer with surgery and use natural healing agents.

Eventually I got better and one day I received an unwanted phone call from Pastor John, who had been told about my cancer by Betty. He was rude when he declared that I had to stop sinning by bedding down women and taking their money. I was so angry that I told him never to speak to me again and ended the conversation. I did not have the discernment to understand that he was speaking on behalf of God and this was my final warning.

Another year or so passed and the physical pain returned. This time I was told the cancer had spread to several parts of my body. My heart was now so hardened and in such a great backslidden condition that I was defiant and confident that I could beat the cancer again.

My doctor prescribed powerful painkillers and I became addicted to them. I had no plan of dying at this time and my last week-end on earth was depressing. Betty had promised to take her mother to Southern California and that meant I would be alone in my house. To make matters worse, I had lost my job and my house was in foreclosure. I was too sick by this time for sexual intercourse and everything I had worked so hard for was being taken away by the cancer. The only good thing remaining was that Betty had prepared a room for me at her house. That was my condition when the angels entered my house and took me away.

God was faithful throughout all this and I can truly say that I deserved to be in hell. It is only by the grace of God that I am in heaven today.

“And he spake a parable unto them, saying, The ground of a certain rich man brought forth plentifully: And he thought within himself, saying, What shall I do, because I have no room where to bestow my fruits? And he said, This will I do: I will pull down my barns, and build greater; and there will I bestow all my fruits and my goods. And I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry. But God said unto him, Thou fool, this night thy soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall those things be, which thou hast provided? So is he that layeth up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.”  (Luke 12:16-21)

I now realize that God intended for me to preach the Gospel but that never happened since I was too selfish and had no desire to save lost souls.

God intended for me to reach thousands of people for Christ, but I never did and now I hang my head in shame that these people will die and go to hell and later spend eternity in the Lake of Fire. I feel so bad that I can hardly bear it. I regret how I despised and hurt the people in Sacramento that loved and took care of me for three years.

Please learn from my mistakes and take heed. Repent while you still have time. Preach the Gospel and don’t waste your life like I did.

I cannot tell you how thankful I am for Christ who came and died for me. It was for me that He hung upon a cross but I rejected His love and wasted my life on earth.  I am sorry and my heart is broken. I will receive whatever punishment is meted out at the Judgment Seat of Christ but I grieve over the people who will spend eternity in the Lake of Fire because of my arrogance, stupidity and lust for women and money.  Take heed!

“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand. I and my Father are one.”  (John 10:27-30)

It is my prayer that those who were earmarked to hear the good news from my lips will have the chance to hear it from someone else.




“Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.” (Matthew 7:13-14)


Volume 16, Issue 2




Listen to God's Plan of Salvation  

An intimate Love Letter from Father God to you.

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