this testimony sounds crazy, here is the reason why:
“But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they
are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are
spiritually discerned.” (1 Corinthians 2:14)
praise my Heavenly Father and thank Him that I have the Holy Spirit and
understand His mighty word! When you ask Jesus into your heart and make Him the
center of your life, you too will be given this supernatural understanding and a
place in heaven!
Let me tell
you a little bit about myself. I grew up in a Southern Baptist surrounding. My
father was the associate pastor of a very large church. I was blessed to be
around all my family that attended the same church. This church family was my
foundation; however it was missing any teachings or practice of the baptism of
the Holy Ghost or deliverance. As a result, I grew up in bondage and so did my
entire family! None of us ever went through deliverance. My father was raised by
an abusive alcoholic father and I can't imagine the horrors he went through, one
of them watching his mother beaten very badly. My mother was raised by a mother
that suffered from paranoid schizophrenia and a father that was distant and had
been molesting my cousins.
learned that without deliverance or the refusal to look at and deal with these
traumas, they will just trickle down and keep on going. Now I can see when
looking back, why it was so hard for me to follow Christ and live the life I
want to live now – the narrow path!
I do not
have any bitterness towards the people in my life. As you read this please know
that I have forgiven everyone. If you happen to be one of these people, I don’t
want you to be troubled by my testimony. I am the MOST to blame for my life and
choices. Had I been walking with the Lord, many of these events would have never
happened, but these choices have shaped and taught me many things and I wouldn't
change anything! My prayer is that everyone would be blessed with salvation,
full healing and deliverance.
remember from a very young age, up until I was a teenager, how much my father
enjoyed scaring us. He just loved to sit us in front of a horror movie and later
torture us. We all laughed it off because we didn’t know where these horrible
traumas lead! Movies open doors to evil spirits and fear, which is the tool of
Satan and not to be taken lightly.
childhood was pretty much amounted to me being stubborn and trying to prove
that I was not a “preacher's kid.” I can remember causing trouble from a young
age. My poor cousins and sisters followed me into mischief around the church. I
was extremely mean to other kids. My sisters and I often heard my parents joking
“We tried four times for a boy and never got one.” I now understand the cycle of
rejection and the devastating effect when we don't deal with this problem. The
book by Art Mathias, “Biblical Foundations for Freedom,” explains this in great
entered my teenage years, my sister and I really started to become “worldly.” We
began to listen to hard rock, drink and sneak out. It made me appear cool to the
neighborhood and school kids but I was ashamed and living a double life at
church and to my family. It is an absolute MIRACLE that I am even alive to tell
this story and I thank my Heavenly Father for protecting me! My younger sister
and I started to be promiscuous and I remember once getting in a much older
man's truck with my best friend and traveling far away to a party. I was
definitely giving my guardian angels tough work.
One day my
father came home drunk after being out with a friend when I was 15 or 16. This
was especially shocking to me since he was a pastor and my world turned upside
down. We went from being in church almost every day to not attending at all at
the urging of my father. I think “shock” is the only word that can describe what
life was like. We went from living according to rules to doing whatever we
wanted. This is when I can remember starting to have stomach pains and problems.
After a few months, my dad started to brew his own beer and had me help him grow
marijuana plants in one of our sheds in the backyard. My father was doing all
this because of something that happened at the church and he was rejected by the
main pastor and deeply hurt. My mother stood up and tried to get us back into
church but dad wouldn't go and we weren't interested after all that. I was
raised in a church that was filled with my grandmothers, aunts, uncles and many
cousins. I hated the new church that was full of strangers.
I know that
my parents loved us and did the best they could, but not knowing about the full
ministry of Jesus was devastating to the family. My parents worked in the
church, and when we were home, very little time was spent with us. They made it
literally known that their marriage came before the kids. If you are a parent,
please remember that what you say to your children is very important! If you
reject them in even the smallest way, they will carry that rejection with them
and it will fester and become worse. It's never too late to start giving them
wholesome WORDS; be sure to tell the good things about them! I still remember
the rare times I was told that I was loved, smart and pretty by my father.
knew about rejection or the bondage I was in and became involved with a much
older man at my place of employment. I can't even remember most of the details
of the relationship. I didn’t know what drug users looked like or the signs of
someone that uses drugs. I didn't know any of his friends and believed all the
lies he told me about being in college, etc. Things just got worse when I got
pregnant. I told my parents about the pregnancy and the fact that I didn't want
to stay with this man because I was starting to see who he really was when I met
his friends and family. My dad insisted that I marry him, and the night of my
wedding was the same night my parents and sisters left for a month long road
trip to a far away state.
crushed and felt completely rejected. I was so ashamed of myself that I didn't
dare reach out to my huge immediate family. They would have helped me but the
lies of Satan in my mind kept me in bondage. My husband decided to tell me the
truth about himself on the night of our wedding, and after he got it all out, he
felt better but I thought he was completely insane. I was also offered to his
brother as a sexual toy! I decided that I had to get out of this situation and
think fast because I was all alone.
remember how I did it, but miracles happen and I met an uncle of my husband that
was a man of God and hid me in his house. He even bought me a plane ticket to
see my parents! I was never so happy to get out of there and forever grateful to
the strangers that helped me but now I was back with my family, pregnant and
scared. I was still not walking with God, nor was my family for that matter. We
were all struggling to make it and start over in a new state.
I was able
to get a divorce without my husband finding out where I was located. I did so
because while I was with his uncle and waiting to fly out, he told me that he
would find me and take the baby. This haunted me for years. My son is fearful
since these words have been with him since the womb.
I was so
concerned with how to care for my son that I looked for another man to fill this
role. After having just been through that trial, I wanted a man that would
respect me and not be together sexually until after we were married. (Here's
where unresolved rejection is NOT good). I found someone “safe.” He was someone
that could provide financially and not pressure me into fornication. There was
something about him that was challenging and made me obsessed with his approval
of me. He was extremely judgmental of everyone, negative and somehow I just
thought I was special if I was good enough for him.
roommates who lived in separate rooms for years; then one day he bought me an
engagement ring. That was it; he just bought it and gave it to me. He didn't ask
for my hand in marriage or get romantic; we were just engaged. When we told his
family, his sister threw a fit and said we couldn't get married until she did
because she was older. I didn't argue, I just became bitter and kept it to
myself. This was an especially long engagement. When we finally did get married,
nothing changed. I was ready to be sexually involved but my new husband would
not touch me at all. I went through a roller coaster of rejection and emotions.
I tried everything to get his attention, including sterilization since he did
not want children but nothing worked.
take it anymore because he wouldn't talk about anything that had to do with him
or why he wouldn't be with me. If I initiated a conversation or got upset, he
would give me the silent treatment for weeks. We were two years into our
marriage and still had not consummated it. I was ready to leave and this finally
got him into counseling. It really didn't help much because he was closed off
and cold. I stayed in this loveless marriage for 14 years. We were together for
17 ½ years and I came out of it thinking that I was unlovable.
excruciating being around his family since they were extremely negative and
talked about other people all the time. I spent one summer with them to help
take care of my father-in-law through his cancer therapy and I was so miserable
that I developed a pretty extreme case of acid reflux. I don’t know why but they
were jealous of my son and allowed my niece to do evil things to my precious
child. I walked in one day and found her trying to suffocate my son. The worst
part was that nobody would listen to what happened. Satan is serious about
killing, stealing, and destroying. My niece was only 5 or 6 years old and I
had to keep him in my sight at all times! I now see that it was this
environment, the constant rejection, and the increasing bitterness I had towards
this family that caused me to become so ill.
top of all this unbearable loneliness, my husband had a huge spending problem.
We were in debt up to our eyeballs and nothing ever changed. I lived in a
constant state of insecurity. At one point I was able to work and became debt
free! It felt wonderful but a year later we were in debt again. My husband was
always buying into programs and get rich quick schemes. One time he attended a
class at a hotel conference room and agreed to pay $15,000 for a real estate
class. He didn't consider asking me because he knew what my answer would have
been. We didn't have the money and our credit cards were maxed out, so he took
it out of our 401k. He also signed up for a loan program where he could sell
bi-weekly mortgages for a cost of $283 per month for two years. He never even
unwrapped the plastic on the material. We paid that huge monthly fee and it hurt
for two long years. He was led by the real estate sponsor to buy a couple four-plex
rental properties. We could not afford this on our income, because if there was
even one empty unit, the expense would come out of our pockets. I was promised I
wouldn't have to do a thing, but the burden of these properties fell completely
on me. After a year I had, what you would call, a “freak out.” I made him sell
the units and we ended up $45,000 in debt. I didn't care anymore; I was just
hoping we would lose everything to teach him a lesson. I continued for many
years to work as many jobs as I could to keep from losing our home. Most of the
time I had a full time job, a part time job and any extra work I could do on the
side. I was exhausted!
husband's image was the most important thing to him to the detriment of our
family and marriage. We both worked at a nice department store and spent all our
money on clothes and fashion. It was well-known that my husband “dressed me” as
my co-workers constantly told me that I looked nice and that my husband did a
good job picking out my clothes. I was his little doll and he made sure people
knew it. Eventually I became fed up and started to refuse to wear the
ridiculously expensive clothes. The clothes didn't matter to me, and no matter
what I did to please him, he never touched me sexually. I remember picking out a
pair of new sneakers and he threw a fit and said, “I wasn't going to wear those
‘granola’ shoes when I was with him.” He would often say mean things to his mom
and sister about their clothes. He became even more distant at my refusal, but
it didn't matter, I was already rejected.
my energy into raising my son because I had nothing else. He was wonderful and
the highlight of this dark time. I poured all my love into him. We started going
back to church and he was able to attend a nice Christian school. I am happy to
say that he is born again and has a foundation! All of this turmoil and
rejection has affected him and continues to do so but it is my prayer that he
will seek deliverance and be set free of the bondage.
time, I met a man with a deliverance ministry and who shared some stories with
me about bondage and the work he was doing. I was interested but didn’t act upon
it and that is where it stayed for a long time. I didn't seek out any more
information even though I thought of it often.
We had a
foster son near the end of the marriage. He was amazing and brought a lot of joy
to my life but something was happening to my husband and not understanding how
Satan really works, I could not deal with him. He was always closed off and
inwardly angry but now he was starting to yell and become mean to all of us.
After one of his screaming fits, I decided it was too damaging to the foster son
and got him moved out as fast as possible and this is when I took a nose dive. I
wanted a divorce and was happy about it but that euphoria only lasted a short
while because the trauma of moving out and filing for divorce was almost too
much to handle. When God says, “Cursed is the person that marries an
unbeliever,” He wasn’t joking around, it is very real. Praise God, I am here
today! I am now married to a wonderful man that loves the Lord and we can serve
and worship God together.
period with my third husband was filled with sin. Kristian and I lived together
and became sexually involved. I was so lonely that when I finally found someone
that loved me, it was all I cared about. I even walked out on my son because he
didn’t want to get a job or do anything but play video games. I was so hurt and
felt like he was rejecting me too, I just couldn't see that he was hurting too.
In looking back, Krisitian needed hernia surgery and had some complications from
the surgery, I also got very sick and almost ended up in emergency surgery due
to my stomach/intestinal problems. I had a few painful gout attacks and
attribute this to being full of unforgiveness and bitterness.
eventually did get married but still lived in the world. There was a lot of
ungodly music, horror movies and no God. I encouraged Kristian to start his own
business and I began training to be a Reflexologist. During the course, I was
given an introduction to acupressure. If I had been walking with the Lord, I
would have been able to see that these things are dangerous and rooted in the
occult. However, I just kept training and opened my own practice which took off
and started to make a nice income. I did this for about a year and a half when I
made contact with Pastor John Torell and found out why this was biblically
wrong. He was the only one that contacted me after I had emailed several people
looking for an answer. The Holy Spirit was guiding me the whole time; I just
didn't listen and needed to hear it from someone else. During my class, my
teacher had to stop and ask me a few times if I was okay. She told me to relax
and said that she wasn’t teaching me a religion. Regardless, I felt it in the
pit of my stomach that learning about this stuff was bad.
In the last
year (2013), the Lord really started to work on us. I can't remember the events
that lead us to start listening to podcasts but it came about as we started to
turn off the television more often. We got caught up into a documentary called
“Zeitgeist.” This film was dangerous because it made so much sense that we
started to question whether Jesus was real and who God was. I have to say that
every time I questioned this I felt sick to my stomach and this led to a path of
searching for more answers. The path became so strange and we got wrapped up in
a lot of fear. We really thought that the sky was falling! Waking up was so
painful because we had not been aware of anything else going on in the world.
Without the foundation of Christ, it's only going to cause fear to read the
news. I’m talking about the real news, not the manufactured stuff on CNN. I was
scared to even breathe outside because of the geo engineering etc.
One night I
was thinking about how tired I was but before I could finish that thought I
heard voice telling me, “You should kill yourself.” That was a wake-up call!
First of all, I had never thought of killing myself, even in the most trying
times of loneliness. I knew it was Satan and it frightened me! Now I know what
it's like when people say they have thoughts in their head telling them to do
and I decided to only listen to Christian programming and stumbled upon some
interviews by Steve Quayle about the fallen angels. I was so fascinated that I
searched for other interviews and found Shannon Davis and Omega Man online
radio. He hosts pastors and speakers that talk about deliverance. This was going
on for a few months and during one of the powerful deliverance prayers we
actually felt demons leaving us. We started to order different books and learn
about the biblical calling all Christians have and that believers in Christ can
have demons. I was born with demons and they were with me even though I was a
born again believer. Then we heard Pastor John Torell come on with a series
of different curses found in the Bible. We listened to it over and over and were
extremely interested in finding out how to break the curses in our lives! I
emailed Pastor John and we talked the next day.
conversation with Pastor John about my Reflexology/Acupressure business, I asked
God to forgive me and closed it down. I had such peace about getting rid of all
the books, posters and certificates that I can't describe it! I also asked God
not to let any of my clients call me unless I could witness to them. Would you
believe that my phone did not ring long enough for me to heal and be ready for
the conversations that needed to happen. Only a few people called and I had some
conversations that were well received with the people that I met through this
then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee
out of my mouth.” (Revelation 3:16)
convicted when I read that scripture because I do not want God to spew me out of
his mouth! Kristian and I decided to go one step further and do a complete
cleaning of demons. We ordered Pastor John’s book, “Christian Dynamics Course
1,” and started to work through it. It was so amazing to read through a lesson
and then have the ability to talk to him afterwards. It was almost like healing
to pick up the phone and hear Pastor John’s voice because here was a man living
far away, who chose to minister to us purely out of love.
to do as God commanded and got rid of all the cursed objects and renounced all
ungodly holiday rituals. It was so peaceful and calm on December 25th
that it was worth the pain of telling all our friends and family that we would
no longer participate! We started getting rid of music, movies, pictures that
had to do with ungodly holidays. All clothing that depicted anything ungodly was
tossed in the trash. It got easier and easier and as the Holy Spirit led us and
we became thorough in cleansing ourselves.
time we had completed Course 1 and were ready for deliverance! I was anxious but
God gave me peace about waiting. Pastor John invited us to meet with him in
person and we almost didn’t come because we don't like flying or the TSA and so
we almost opted for over the phone deliverance. However, I am thankful we
decided to go! We booked a flight and searched for hotels with pools so my
husband could be baptized. God led me to look for a bed and breakfast and I
found one that was perfect. When I explained to the owner why we were coming,
the Lord moved upon her and she reduced our cost by more than half of what
it should have been.
We spent a
week with Pastor John, his wife Aina, and his brother Peter. It felt like an
eternity and we did not want to leave. They spent many hours with us going
through our life history. I learned a lot about myself and how the traumas of
our childhood greatly impact us and our decisions. It led me to understand how
Satan operates and made it very easy to forgive all the people in my life that
have hurt me or I perceived were hurting me. Most importantly, I also forgave
myself which is the block that most of us have and keeps us from a full
relationship with our Heavenly Father. I really didn't like myself and I put up
huge walls around me to show everyone that I was strong.
step in deliverance is to identify traumas, curses which I brought upon myself
and to break the ungodly soul ties from all the past relationships. The next
step was the deliverance! I really thank God that he has raised up people like
the Torells' to help minister the COMPLETE deliverance process. It's not worth
it to spot clean these demons out; we need to commit to God wholly and let Him
I am in
debt to my Heavenly Father I want to help people out of their bondage and use
this power that God has given us! He wants us to use it. We are not too little
or small to do good in this increasingly evil world.
demons had been cast out and I was alone, the Holy Spirit showed me the
“The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the
strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked, even mine
enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and
fell. Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear:
though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident. One thing
have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the
house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD,
and to enquire in his temple.” (Psalms 27:1-4)
and I have experienced a complete deliverance and healing! Things that the
medical community says is incurable such as food allergies and psoriasis are
non-existent and/or clearing up. These sicknesses had a spiritual root, and
through this ministry and deliverance, that root has been exposed and destroyed.
can't thank the Torell family enough for the work that they have done and
continue to do. I was absolutely transformed after seeing the faith that these
godly people have for our God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit. It
is more than just them. They have their family and life-long friends supporting
them in ministry. We were blessed to have met the lovely people that run the
whole operation. It blew our minds to see the love and desire they all have to
reach the lost.
this testimony just a few days after being delivered. The process of writing out
the details brought about more revelations and healing and I realize that God is
not done with my process! I have occasionally had rash breakouts around my eyes,
but since I never knew what this was about, I just decided it was a food
crying in my sleep that night and woke up with streaks down my cheeks that were
burnt by acid tears. I had to experience all this pain and examine any leftover
bitterness I still possessed. I also experienced some familiar intestinal pain
but I knew the pain had to be a spiritual root and not the food to which I was
previously allergic. I am standing on the promise of God that I can eat anything
that is on His menu and I don’t have to care about what I eat anymore for
fear of an allergic reaction.
God is so
good to me and I was able to directly correlate the pain with the moments I was
having memories come back. These were memories that I didn't even remember and
had not brought up during my talk with Pastor John and Aina as we went through
my past and the associated curses.
I found out
that I had some deeply suppressed traumas that were rooted in rejection. I had a
man touch me inappropriately at church when I was 11 or 12 years old. I went to
my mother but all she did was tell me to stay away from him; she did nothing to
reprimand this man and protect others from him. I also remembered being molested
by a girlfriend's father. At this point in my life, I knew that I could not tell
my parents about what happened because my dad was tired of handling things with
his daughters. I remember him telling my sister once, “Why does this stuff
happen to you guys? I think you make it up.” As a result, I started suppressing
these events because I didn't have anyone to support me. I felt disgusting and
thought that I was somehow responsible for causing these events.
I had one
last painful moment during the night a few weeks ago. Utilizing Pastor John's
experience in helping people with deep rejection, I have had no more pain. I
have started to ask God to heal me and let the woman I was meant to be to come
out. I found a song called, “He Knows My Name.” I played it several times and
found myself crying and rejoicing. The tears didn't burn me and that night God
hugged me in my dreams and told me that He has really missed me. I have never
had a dream like this before; it was certainly from God.
rejection, traumas and bitterness is now in the past and I have no more pain. I
know I am healed because I haven’t been without pain in over 15 years.
The pain was like a severe menstrual cramp that would sometimes keep me
bedridden and completely drain all my energy. All those years of trying to
figure out the source of the problem! All the money wasted on different foods,
diets, enzymes and tests with doctors. I am sure that if you name it I have
tried it; I tried everything except God. I now eat according to the laws of the Bible
and I am not inhibited by allergies to any foods. It was previously very
difficult to cook and eat with friends or go to restaurants because of my
special dietary needs. However, that is not the case anymore!
every day for God to reveal any unresolved issues. I have had some past sins and
traumas come up and Pastor John and Aina have been very good to teach us that
this would happen. Should a situation arise, I am well equipped to pray through
these with Kristian and have the victory! I am still cleaning up and finding
that I am getting closer to my Heavenly Father each day. Once I started on this
path of looking into my past and repenting, it is such a blessing and worth the
healing tears that need to fall! Amen!
part is now I am learning Satan's game plan. Kristian and I are bringing into
captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.
“For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the
weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling
down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that
exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity
every thought to the obedience of Christ; And having in a readiness to
revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.” (2
So now when
I have a thought of rejection, I know where it came from and what to do with it!
I pray the same for all you out there that are suffering. Give your life to God
and see what He can and will do!